roman(tic)-catholic II.

yes, that's Baby Jesus with a penis.

yes, that's Baby Jesus with a penis.

I’ve been getting called ‘too vulgar’ for The Philippines. *shrug*. I’ve always felt that I was too cute to be vulgar. Like a child with a potty-mouth. But I’m in a different country, so I’ve had to tone it down at times or just not speak.

So, I don’t really know how to go about this right now. I just wanted to post it to see how people would react.

I was ‘turned-on’ to Baby Jesus with a Penis by a friend of mine who bought one in the Quaipo market in Manila. The lady she bought it from said it’s a love-charm. You’re supposed to give it to someone you’re interested in. I need all the help I can get, so I got one.

Filipino’s are naturally superstitious. I’m not really, but a lot of times I can’t help it.

Haven’t found anyone to give him to yet so I keep him tangling from my USB flashdrive.

Not much came up when I googled Baby, Jesus, Penis, Quiapo, Santo Nino in different combinations. Some articles about priests molesting children and a woman who “thanks baby jesus that god created the penis.” (here are some other funny ones: 1 2 3 4)

The image of a child Jesus or Santo Nino is a common item in most Catholic-Filipino homes. He’s usually wearing a crown, with a decorated cape, boots, and a staff. The first Santo Nino was brought over by the first Spanish conquerers 3 centuries ago and it has been revered here ever since.

Sinulog, one of the largest fiestas in the country happens in Cebu City and is completely devoted to him. Everywhere you turn there’s an image of Santo Nino; people holding up statues, on t-shirts, I even saw children dress as him.

It was a lot to take in because I usually associate Santo Nino with guilt and fear. When me and my friends tried to prove we weren’t lying we’d back it up by saying “Santo Nino” and doing the sign of the cross. Meaning, if I was lying, may I catch the wrath of Santo Nino. I think any Filipino kid you talk to will have some sort of story where they felt the statue in their house was watching them and it forced them to behave. Drinking parties moved to the other room or cancelled or suddenly not being able to ‘perform’.

That’s why when I found the Santo Nino with a penis I had to get one. It was hilarious to me that the very symbol of morality from my childhood had a huge boner. Santo Nino’s blessing me with health and fertility when for so many years he caused the opposite effect.

Often he found himself with a blanket over his head or facing the corner.


Here’s something strange.

This is the second time I’m posting this post. The first time I was being a little sarcastic and I guess condescending. When I tried to post this above frontal shot of Baby Jesus with penis I had a little trouble getting it to show up. It showed as a broken link. When I went to edit it to see what was wrong there was a paragraph of latin text (i think) typed under the thumbnail. Text I wasn’t able to highlight, edit, or delete.

Ok. I wanted to see if it happened again . . . and it did. I typed up a few lines on notepad for you to analyze:

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetuer velit pretium euismod ipsum enim. Mi curus at a mollis senectus id arcu gravida quis urna. Sed et felis id tempus Morbi mauris tincidunt enim In mauris. Pede eu risus velit libero natoque enim lorm adipiscing ipsum consequat. In malesuada et sociis tincidunt tempus pellentesque cursus convallis ipsum Suspenisse. Risus In ac quit ut Nunc convallis laoreet ante Suspendisse Nam . . .

And it goes on and on until it gets cut off by the space. I found a Latin translator online and this is what I got:

Lorem itself pain he is amet consectetuer skirmish price euismod itself in fact. Mi curus but a soft old age this bow pregnant anyone urna. But and lucky this time Sickness mauris tincidunt in fact Upon mauris. Pede good laughter skirmish to set free natoque in fact lorm to come up to itself according to reason. Upon malesuada and fellowship tincidunt time pellentesque a race to grow strong itself Suspenisse. Laughter Upon and quit when Now to grow strong laoreet before To suspend For . . .

Can’t really make anything from it. I’m not even sure if it’s latin, but some of the words translated into english. I’m not getting the sense that it’s a curse. It doesn’t read like a blessing either. I dunno.

I just want to know how it got there!

The image is original, I took it myself. Somehow when I posted it, it sent a vibe throughout the web and the text tacked itself onto it.

Or I’m crazy.

Years after I stop believing in the guy and he’s still fucking with my head.


Below are some other things I keep around my room for good luck and to ward of the evil:


a pillowcase with a huge flaming rainbow on it, bottle of rum, there’s the Baby Jesus with penis on my USB, mosquito repellant, a whoopie cushion, a Bulol/rice sheaf chopper, and my iPOD w/ mini speaker. They’re all laying on a Jesus Nazareno handkerchief w/ the Our Father in Tagalog printed on it.


~ by mlv on 8 June, 2009.

3 Responses to “roman(tic)-catholic II.”

  1. cool post.

    check this out:

  2. My children have been sick for too long now. with cough that doesn’t seem to go away. We already brought them to the doctor several times and they have already taken about 3 different antibiotics and medicines and even nebulizer. So this afternoon we decided to bring them to the “hilot” and my eldest who is 10yrs old had this admirer daw. then my youngest has “pilay” and my 2nd child has a different case according to the “hilot” she said someone is trying to hurt him in some ways, that’s why he has this rashes that won’t go away, he had this since he was 2 yrs old and now he’s 4 1/2. She said this person didn’t like him. We were surprised because among our 3 kids, he was the most like coz he’s so cute. So we thought it could be my ex-sister in-law coz she’s so jealous of my 2nd child since he is almost the same age as her son as well and people and even relatives like my son more than his. So anyway, this “hilot” gave this same charm to him and told us to rub this on his rashes everyday and make this as a pendant and always have my child wear it for protection from the person who wanted him harm. the one she gave is the same but the sto.nino is kind of lying in a hand. (it’s like he ha a hand as a bed, or behind his back). So the latin scripture that was translated didn’t make any sense at all but i see that there are words about “pain”, “sickness”, “grow strong”, etc. so i really do hope it’s for protection.

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